PC acting up

[Hannie]

Glenna you always make me laugh!
Sometimes though even that cannot make a man happy!  (I hope we will not be banned from  the forum on account of naughty talk...)  Depression is a tough thing to fight (and to be around)!
I'll keep working at it though.  ;)

:hug:

Hannie

[klassylady25]

Welcome home Hannie!  You were missed.  To pull your husband out of the spot he is in isn't easy especially if he's not fighting it and gives in it.  Gloomy days only add to it.  Would you believe that some people have to have special lights to bask under during winter?  It has something to do with the missing sunshine but with that being said the person also has to keep his/her wits about them and believe me, it's an every day fight.  If you can't use medication then you have to use your mind.  It is my nature to go to deep within myself, too and the pain it causes is real.  Just let him know that you care and tell him this old gal said, "Fight!!"

Hugs
C

[Mhayes]

Hannie, it's so great to have you back!  :loveit:

I understand and feel for what you are going through, as I too have a husband who suffers with a form of depression. More specifically, he suffers from panic attacks. This started about 20 years ago and suddenly things that we used to enjoy doing, would now trigger an attack. Once a person suffers a severe attack, they will try to avoid anything that might trigger another. These attacks are very similar to having a heart attack. Maybe for my husband it was easier to find a solution because the family doctor told him that the cause was due to a chemical imbalance in the brain and could be treated. These attacks were not his fault and nothing that he had control over. I hope you can get help for your husband and let him know this is not his fault or something he should feel ashamed about for seeking help. May you find someone who can help you and connect with your husband that he needs some help.

:hug:

Margie

[glennab]

Hannie -- I didn't say anything naughty, and you didn't say anything naughty.  I think we're safe (if we can keep that evil Hannah out of it!).  Implications don't count.  That's my story, and I'm sticking to it!

If your beloved is suffering with depression, I can so feel for him.  I was born with chronic depression, and the only thing that overcomes it is medication, because it's a physiological illness, not psychological.  It really bites, because people want to help, want to know if you want to talk about it, etc., etc.; and no matter how well-meaning they are, no one can do anything.  Not even the person going through it.  One rides it out and then gets on with life as best one can.  I'm a basically happy, easy-going person; I have a wonderful life; the best husband in the world, great kids and grandkids, friends that I adore and OPR, and yet when I get a bad "spell" I beg my husband to just shoot me and get it over with.  I usually hole up and sleep and read (unless I have to work, and then I'm just very, very quiet, which freaks everyone out).  Once I ride it out, I'm fine and content and busy and a royal pain in the butt (I'm Olympic class!).

Tell hubby, for what little comfort it'll be, that he's not alone and I hope he's able to get through it quickly.  I know for sure that hugs help, so I'm sending some to him and to you for caring for someone who fights that battle.  It's a monster!

Bless,

Glenna

[Hannie]

Candy, I think you hit the nail right on the head.  Hubby was born in Maine (which drove him "nuts" as he puts it) but lived in sunny California and Arizona prior to moving to the Netherland (6 years ago).  The winter season is very hard on him and his joints, lots of pain so I'm hoping that by the time spring arrives he will feel a little better. 
Margie, I've had panic attacks myself some years ago and they are very scary.  Now if ever I feel one coming I start to sing to myself (softly).  This forces me to breathe the right way and lower the oxygen level in my blood that causes the panic attack (hyperventilation).  My hubby doesn't want to go to a Dutch shrink, he's in negative mode right now and it looks like I'll have to be patient and sit it out.
Glenna your personal story is the same as my husband's as is his reaction (just put a plastic bag over my head and pull it tightly...half jokingly).  I am trying to be as supportive as possible, lots of hugs and nice turkey dinners!

When you first look at or listen to people it doesn't always show but lately I start to realize how much quiet suffering there is going on. 

I love you all for caring, it really helps!
:loveit:
Hannie

[schen]

Ladies, your men are so lucky to have spouses so understanding.

Hannie, I believe sun light and outdoors help.  I like to do cross country skiing but we lost all the snow when the temperature went up above freezing and the rain poured last Saturday.  My son came home for Christmas and we went to the zoo last week.  He is 25 and probably was the oldest child with father in the zoo.   :)

[Tess (Tassie D)]

Glad to have you back Hannie. It sounds like your hubby has a rough time in the winter. I feel for you, mine is on meds for depression year round. A strict, loveless childhood and upbringing with no encouragement about his work has followed him all through his adult life unfortunately.
I usually drag him to the car at least once a month when he's not flat out working and we all go visit an old machinery or car museum. He lives and breathes machinery. It helps for a little while and he picks up for about a week after as we can look at the photos and chat about the trip.
It took me 20 years to get him to take holidays. He thought the world would end if he didn't work but now he loves them. We are off exploring at the end of January for 9 nights to the mainland. Everywhere we go there will be a museum or tours of old mines etc so he will be happy.
I hope your hubby will pick up as spring comes round. It is especially important you take care of yourself as well as its just as hard on the carer. :hug:

[Hannie]

Tess, I never realized how many people are suffering from this condition.  My husband had a normal loving upbringing but is very sensitive to cold weather and on top of that suffering from culture shock.  I have been to the States many times and I think I understand some of what he is going through.  It isn't easy to relocate when you are 50 years of age and having to learn a new (difficult) language. 
Chen, I am not always as understanding as I come across here on the forum.  Even today I lost my patience a bit and ended up yelling .  Of course it isn't easy to always be patient and understanding but yelling only makes matters worse.  I am going to get some counseling soon myself so I will know better how to cope when things get rough.
It is comforting to share this stuff with all of you...

:loveit:

Hannie

[Patre]

Praying for consolation for you and your husband, Hannie. Sometimes our humanity is too much with us..

[Charlene5]

Is it the time of the year that makes people susceptible?   My husband, Mister Type A Network Engineer Nothing-Bothers-Me-Except-Slow-People-Who-Get-In-my-Way, has been emotionally poleaxed, something I've never seen in 35+ years.  He came back from a visit to his ex-hippie doctor (we call him Dr. Green Tea) and his whole world had changed.  He went from taking pills for his diabetes for 4 years and not thinking much about it to injecting insulin every day.  After a week of his new reality we're both adjusting.  I coddled him and injected him and made him chicken soup and I think he's accepted that he's not 25 and Superman any more - but he sure didn't like it.

MJ

[Tess (Tassie D)]

he's accepted that he's not 25 and Superman any more - but he sure didn't like it

You too? I have yet to figure out how my 50 years old hubby gets depressed because he can't lug 200lb bags of stuff round like he used to.  ::)

Hannie I can only imagine how difficult it is for your hubby to adjust to a big culture shock and a whole new language. Mine hates the cold too and threatens to move us as far north as possible each winter even though it doesnt even snow here.
I lose my patience with him on a daily basis but we always try to talk it out. I find my self talking about how things make me feel rather than blaming him. It makes the argument less 'its all your fault' type discussions.
I hope once spring comes around your hubby will brighten up and things will improve.